How Deep is Your Well of Goodwill?
These days I have been reading Intlxpar’s blog, delving into the archives and perusing recent posts. She has a beautiful way with words and one post of hers, “Well of Good Will” discusses her personal philosophy when it comes to relationships. It resonated deep within me and caused me to reflect on my friendships, the long history of some and short span of others.
I originally wanted to share this post and a story of one of my friendships that has been on my mind lately but I believe that it is a story for another post and another time. Maybe when it is not so fresh I can write about it more objectively. For now, I’d like to share Intlxpatr’s words with you.
In a relationship, the longer you are in it, the more deposits you make into the well of good will. It is the little things you do in a relationship - how you hold the door when the other is carrying a package, how you bring a bowl of hot soup if they have a cold, how you pick up their meal when they are short of cash, how you listen when a friend has a problem, or remember to ask about their mother when she is having a bout of ill health. These tiny, consistent deposits into the well grow, they earn interest, they earn dividends, small as they are, they fill the well to the brim.
The well of good will never overflows, it just grows to hold the treasures of the relationship.
From time time time, circumstances will arise which require a withdrawal from the well of good will. We all have circumstances in which we become selfish, we strike, even at those who love us, because we are in pain. We all have times when we are tired and say something mean. We all have rough patches in our lives when we have nothing extra to add to the well of good will, and make sizeable withdrawals against the good will of those who love us.
How many people in your life do you make allowances for? Do you forgive some of your friends for shabby behavior towards you and yet begrudge others from doing the very same thing? There are some friends for whom I can never hold ill wishes, no matter what they do.
Like I said on Intlxpatr’s blog, in the grand scheme of things they are welcome to draw goodwill from the well for as long as they like, one thing that time can never take away is the history between us.
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Really great post, Thank you, Kuwaiti Woman, for sharing Intlxpatr’s post with us.
I have to add a caveat: not all people have made enough deposits to fill the well - some people we just have to let go.
Even our good friends can act out so badly, so self destructively, that we have to give them space and time. In those cases, the well requires that we stand by our friends, sometimes silently, knowing that the best we can do is to be there for them when they reach out for sheer survival. And then, it is our job as friends to give them bad news - like drug rehab, like getting out of a really bad relationship, like starting over financially from zero. We can’t rescue them, they have their own tough decisions to make, but we can stand be their friend.
OOps! we can stand by them as friends.